i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
