I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
