you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
