Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
