she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
