you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
