you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
