Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
