I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
