oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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