What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
