Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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