I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
