Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
