I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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