My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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