the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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