I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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