I accidentally had phone sex last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
