I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
