i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
