Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
