cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The air taste purple.
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