They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
