I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
