so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
