so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
