I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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