If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The adults are the big ones right?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
