maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
