really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
