Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
