They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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