I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
