I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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