Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
