Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
