I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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