just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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