He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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