I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
