Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
