What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
