I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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