We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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