At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
