oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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