brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I deserve this hangover.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
