I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
