so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
