thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
