He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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