Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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